I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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