i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
