Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
