Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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