Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
