I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
