Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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