Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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