He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
