Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
