Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
