Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The Olympian is in my bed
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