Pass out mid-funnel last night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
