oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
