I am midnight drunk by noon
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
