k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
