I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
