So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
