Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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