Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
