And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
