our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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