I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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