I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
