so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
