and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
