Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
