Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
