i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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