Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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