omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Damn victory sex feels great
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
