I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
