it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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