Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
