I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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