I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
