If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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