I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
