I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
