tonight lets celebrate not being married
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
