dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
