you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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