Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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