I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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