her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
