so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
