Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
