Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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