forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it's like iHOP with fire
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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