we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
