You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
