I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
