you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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