Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
