legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
