She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
