I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
