He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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