good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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