I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
