I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
