Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
