Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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