gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
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I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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