So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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