How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I believe in your delicious
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
