I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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