I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
