hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
