if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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