Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
