Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
