NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
