Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
