I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
