I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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