good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
