there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Your penis caused this!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
