If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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