oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
