i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
