It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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