you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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