I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
