Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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