sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
