he was CRYING into my vagina
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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