No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you had me at cake vodka
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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