That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
